Episode Transcript
We Americans enjoy a wonderful and powerful way of life, but internally and in relationships, we may wish for better. Join me as we look beneath the surface and gain insights to transform every aspect of your life. My name is Dr. Ann O'Hare, and this is The Spiritual American. Hello, everyone. Welcome to the spiritual American. My name is Dr. Ann O'Hare and I'm your host. And today we'll be talking about selfish to selfless and. I wanted to say something right off the bat. I hope that if you're listening to this episode that you try to listen to other episodes as well. Each of these episodes, I've made them very short, so they're only 15 or 20 minutes long. You can get something out of one, but the idea is to begin to think in a different way. So I recommend watching different episodes, different topics, just start watching and listening and listening. Cause the way of thinking will begin to change. The reason I'm saying it with this is because this episode is a little bit subtle. It's hard to pick up. So I hope we'll be able to do a good job. But before we actually dive into it, please consider like sharing and subscribing. As you know, that helps trip the YouTube algorithm and get this content out to many others. And also, please consider sharing with your family and friends so that they can benefit as well. So onto the topic today, which is selfish to selfless. So first I'm going to, as usual, define what we're talking about. So what is selfish mean? Have you ever been accused of being selfish? Have you ever accused somebody else? Selfish. What does selfish mean to you? I'm gonna give a working definition. Selfish means that when that I'm acting in a way that is insensitive to the needs, feelings, desires, thoughts of others. So I'm behaving in such a way that I'm not sensitive to or responding to the need. others, or the thoughts of others and so forth. That's selfish. So what is selfless mean? It's not really self less, because I'm still myself, right? But I changed the word in here to ego less. So we don't want ego. What's ego? Ego is like a false self. And I'm going to talk about, I'm going to expand on that just a little bit. So. When do we have ego? What is the thing that, that kind of makes us start behaving in what we would consider maybe an insensitive way or a selfish way? And I'm going to call that the vices. So we talk about this in Raja yoga meditation. So the vices are. Lust, anger, greed, ego, and attachment. And it sounds like the seven deadly sins, it's roughly the same principle, that there are tendencies that human beings have to go into these selfish ways of thinking where you become insensitive to the needs of others. And I'm going to say as a principle that if I am sensitive to the needs of others, I probably won't be acting selfishly. I'll probably be acting in a benevolent way or in a generous way or in a. Let's say cooperative way. So those vices, lust, anger, greed, ego, attachment, you can say, you know, gluttony, the rest of the vices, pride, those are all the seven deadly sins. But the point is that when we act based on those vices. I'm going to call them vices. We are selfish, and that means that I'm not paying attention to others. I have an example of this in my own life. Many of you have heard this example before if you were listening to the other episodes, but one time I was in a meeting at work and I, pretty well spoken, I guess. And I knew the topic very well. And in the middle of the meeting, I stood up and I said, well, this is what we should do. And I kind of laid out the whole scenario and I gave, basically laid out the problem, the solution, the results, everything. And then I said, and that's it. And I sat down. And I felt, okay, great, problem solved, everything's fine. After the meeting, my boss pulled me aside and said, you know, you hurt that other nurse's feelings. And I said, what did I do, I didn't understand what she was talking about. And she said, that nurse wanted to participate also, and you didn't give her a chance. And at the time I didn't even, wasn't even receptive to what my boss was saying, because I was defensive. I don't know what you're talking about, I wasn't being selfish. I wasn't trying to hurt her feelings, which consciously I wasn't. So this is where I think we get confused about what selfish means. Selfish does not mean that you're out to hurt somebody necessarily. You may be, but I don't think that that's what generally most of us don't have that problem. We're not like saying, oh yeah, I really want to go hurt somebody now. No, we're not like that. But I think selfishness is that we're. Not paying attention to others in the moment. We're only after whatever it is that we're going after whether it's being right whether it's the gratification of Being better than somebody else Whether it's validating some knowledge that I have or some pride that I have in myself and in the thumbnail I said stop drinking the ego juice So the thing that makes us be selfish is what I call ego juice. That means that we're getting something out of it. So what did I get out of that moment in that meeting? Well, I got, you know, I'm right. Problem solved. Look at how great I am. Was that selfish? I wasn't aware that it was selfish. I would call it prideful, I would call it maybe insensitive because I didn't really at that moment care about what anybody else thought or any other contribution. And looking back on that situation now, being a little, hopefully a little more mature, I can see what my boss was trying to say. My boss didn't really teach me in that moment, she didn't really say, listen, part of leadership is that you have to give other people a chance. Probably she didn't get a chance to say that because I was so defensive. So I was defending my pride, defending that I wasn't trying to be a bad person. So part of this selfishness and this vicious way of being is that I'm defending myself. I want to keep drinking that ego juice of pride in this case. Let's say it's pride or being right or I'm better or I'm not as bad as that one. A lot of times this is what came to mind just now is gossiping, right? Gossiping is a way of trying to drink the ego juice of a situation. This one's right. This one was wrong. Look how wrong they were. Look how right I am. Don't you agree with me? And we get that ego juice. Now, what is the issue with being selfish? Now you can, people can go through their whole lives and never pay attention to anybody else. But I'm going to say that that doesn't work in relationships very well. And maybe you can look for yourself right now. Has there ever been a time in a relationship where maybe you were insensitive to other people's thoughts or needs? Am I always receptive? Are there times where I'm got some blinders on, like I'm just after my own, again, the ego juice. But the reason I said that in the beginning about that this is subtle is because it requires you to be able to look at a situation as it is and be able to take the feedback from the situation. In the example I gave, I was not able to take the feedback. I find that if I find that I'm upset over something, there's usually some form of vice there. Whether it's, I keep going back to pride, but whether it's, feeling bad about myself and I want to feel better about myself, whether I'm defending myself. It's usually some kind of pride. You could call that ego as well. What happens when we operate from this consciousness? Other people are not involved. I have a son. My son is 17 now, but, how many of us have had a situation where our child has come up to us and said, I want to talk to you mom or dad or whatever. And we kind of like, you know, I'll talk to you later, I'm in the middle of doing this. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but maybe in that moment, I'm not sensitive. To the needs of that person that's coming up to me to speak to me. It's my child in that case, or it could be anybody. It could be a coworker. Am I sensitive to the needs of the people that are coming to talk to me? Think about it for a minute. You know, do I get irritated? Do I blow people off? What am I protecting? What am I making more important than others or being receptive or being a good person, let's say, right? Because the opposite of selfishness is I'm going to say ego less. So I'm not drinking the ego juice. I'm not just focusing on myself. I'm receptive to whatever is happening in front of me. And I'm responding in a naturally benevolent way. And I'm going to say the spiritual part of this is that as a soul, my nature is to be benevolent. That's a natural thing for us. I saw this video one time where there was a gorilla in a gorilla thing in the zoo. Gorilla. It wasn't a cage. It was the, whatever, the exhibit. And there was a gorilla in there and there was a bird who was drowning Or struggling in the pool in the, and the gorilla went over, picked up the bird and put the bird on the side. We see all the time the person's drowning or something and the dolphins come and help the person not to drown or, it's natural to help, right? It's natural to be benevolent. It's natural to care. about the feelings of others. So how do I know when I'm being selfish? I'm going to say you have some kind of pain. Something is not feeling good. You don't feel good. How do I know if I'm operating from one of the vices? Something inside doesn't feel right. I feel irritated. I feel impatient. I feel usually like an anger, form of anger, aggravated, frustrated, something like that. You know that there's some kind of non receptiveness at that time. I'm focusing on one thing and I wanted it. I'm going at that could be greed, right? I want it. I'm going after it. Those vices are very subtle because we're so focused on what's happening that we're not focusing on what's happening. What program am I running right now? Am I running my spiritual natural program of generosity and receptivity and love and peace and harmony with others? Or am I running some kind of ego juice pain generating selfishness? Now as I'm saying this, I'm not judging. We're all doing it. Part of this podcast, the reason for this podcast is to try to start having us see what it is we're doing. We think it's normal. You could say it's normal because we've been doing it, but it's not natural for us. And something inside knows it because it hurts. Something inside knows because something doesn't feel right. How do I become selfless and egoless? How do I become egoless? Well, first I have to watch my behavior. I have to be honest. If I feel like something's not right, I have to take a look. Sometimes it's not so easy. Like sometimes I say there's ouchy moments. Like you really have to face the fact that you're being selfish. Yes, I did not pay attention to my child just then. Yes, I wasn't a very good leader. I keep thinking I'm such a great leader because I was able to solve all the problems and talk really fast and get it all done. That makes me such a great leader. Well maybe I'm not such a great leader if somebody in the room felt bad because they wanted to have a chance and didn't get it. See? So it's kind of like you, you get the feedback and you have to look at yourself and say, was I my best self? Was I generous? Was I receptive to others? Was I actually worthy of the pride that I keep thinking I am? It's really, it is subtle, but it's powerful. No one wants to hurt anyone and no one wants to feel hurt. So the vices hurt, greed hurts, lust hurts, anger hurts, ego attachment, all of that hurts. Benevolence doesn't hurt. Benevolence feels good. Benevolence feel, makes you feel like you're worthy. You have value. You're making a difference in someone's life. This is why some people say go and volunteer, go give or something. Why? Because we have to start beginning that kind of benevolence circulation inside. Sometimes I call that the angelic heartbeat, my angelic circulation. I have to start that heartbeat, start that angelic circulation. And what is that love, generosity, peace, cooperation, harmony, receptivity, understanding, empathy. That's our original nature. If I'm not being like that, then some vice is at play. I have a feeling that as people are listening to this right now, you may be thinking, Oh yeah, you know, this is very subtle what I'm talking about. Most of the reason why it's subtle and not so easily seen is because we're so used to blaming the situation for how we feel. So if I am blaming the situation, I'm not in touch with the vice or the pain that I'm feeling. That's why sometimes the universe or you want to say the world has to give us the feedback. No, you can't have the job. No, you can't have the raise. No, this relationship is not going to work because the universe is trying to show you, if I can say, show me that I'm being selfish, that I'm not being receptive. I'm not being natural. So there's some kind of feedback coming back. So I wrote down here, if it hurts, I need to take a look. It's the vices that are causing pain. So I'm not talking about other people's behavior. Can I just say that just in case somebody is hearing this and saying, well, how can I be responsible? Or if I'm hurting because somebody is hurting me, I'm not talking about other people's behavior that we have to be responsible for other people's behavior, but it is very empowering and very helpful. And based on truth and based on laws. The laws of karma specifically, if I am responsible for my feelings. When my boss pulled me aside and said, you didn't give that nurse a chance and her feelings were hurt. I was like, I don't know what you're talking about. Blah, blah, blah, blah. I was still insensitive. Even when the feedback came, I was still indignant and insensitive. I can tell you right now, I was not happy in that moment. When the vices are operating, we are not happy. And they cause pain and they're not causing pain just for us, but they're causing pain for others One thing that I the idea and maybe i'll leave it at this This idea that I had to get used to was that people just want to be able to be close to you or be with you And feel good while being with you. That's it. We don't have to put on a show We don't have to pretend like we're somebody else. We don't have to You Make so much effort to have people like us or whatever. Most of the time people just want to be with you. Authentically with you. Nobody's gonna judge you. We have a lot of fears and a lot of things in the background that are setting the stage for these vices to come in. Whether it's anger or greed or pride. I'm gonna call it pride. Pride is greed too but It's this idea that somehow I have something good and therefore I'm just going to forcefully push forth this goodness that I have and call it pride. Pride's a good word for that. It's not nice and it's not good for you. It's not good for relationships. It certainly is not, was not good for me, but I have to be patient with myself as I learn how to have relationships authentically, how to have relationships where I'm not constantly afraid and trying to. figure out how to be with the person so that I can get something. That's greed, right? These things are working behind the scenes. So to kind of wrap this up, what, and again, this is a short episode, so I hope you can take a little note. And keep listening to these episodes because this way of thinking, I'm going to keep on talking about this way of thinking, how to look at yourself and not the circumstances, how to discern what the issue is and how to work through it, finish the old patterns and move forward with a natural spiritual personality that I am going to say we all acknowledge is good. And right and generous, right? So to put it in a nutshell, how do I go from selfish to egoless or selfless? Well, first of all, we have to pay attention to the feedback. Pay attention to the feedback. Something's hurting. There's some vice in play here. And one of the vices, lust, anger, greed, ego attachment, I'm going to add pride. You can add, whatever sins or vices that you think. But if you're hurting or if you're getting some negative feedback, something is at play. Try to be honest. Try to figure out what's, what is going on. Am I being receptive to others? Am I holding something back? Am I being inauthentic? I want to say God loves you no matter what, right? Be generous with yourself. Love yourself no matter what. Because this is a process. We're going through this process of healing, right? If you're sick, if you have a cold or something, you can't rush the healing. You have to sit there and, drink your tea and eat your toast and lay down and drink your fluids and blow your nose and you can't make it get better. And I'm going to say it's the same thing with our attitudes, our behaviors, our old ways of thinking. It doesn't automatically get healed and go away. We have to be with ourselves as we're getting better. The good news is that if we follow the law, the laws of karma, the laws of spirituality, we follow that and practice meditation and study and so forth, that's kind of the same as like drinking your fluids, making sure you get enough rest that makes the personality get better. So I'll leave it there. I hope that gave some food for thought about what selfishness is and how maybe to notice when I'm operating in a selfish way or in the vices and maybe be willing to take a look deeper and see maybe I can be a little bit more receptive, a little bit more authentic and begin to heal. So I'll leave it there. Remember our slogan is heal, empower, and serve. I talked about healing now. Once we get, once we start to get better, we feel empowered and then service comes because like I said, we're all connected. When I become better, more receptive, more generous, everybody benefits from that. And people, you'd be surprised. It really does give a positive influence and an inspiration to others. So I'll leave it there until next time. Take care. You
