Episode Transcript
We Americans enjoy a wonderful and powerful way of life, but internally and in relationships, we may wish for better. Join me as we look beneath the surface and gain insights to transform every aspect of your life. My name is Dr. Ann O'Hare, and this is The Spiritual American. Hello everyone and welcome to the Spiritual American. My name is Dr. Anne O'Hare and I'm your host and today we will be talking about facing exhaustion. I know this is an important topic. When I was thinking about this today, of course I was reflecting on my own life and my own experiences. And one of the things I noticed is that when I used to use the word exhaustion, it was kind of like a thing that we used to say to each other when I grew up or even as a young adult, how are you? Oh, I'm exhausted. How are you? I'm exhausted. Yeah, I'm so busy, got so much going on. So it was kind of like a complaint that we used to say to each other, to say, Oh yeah, we're all in the same boat or something like that. But today I want to talk about the kind of exhaustion that's more like the burnout type of exhaustion. Where I obviously need something, but I'm not quite sure what it is, maybe. But let me give a definition of exhaustion or burnout, like the type of exhaustion I'm talking about. Burnout, I know there's lots of definitions out there, but burnout is when I have no resources left. I have no fuel left. I have no physical fuel, psychological fuel, emotional fuel. Like all my fuel is down to zero and I can't really face the situation. I don't have any resilience. I have no energy. I have no, forward moving incentive to keep going. That's burnout. We don't want to get to that point, but the thing with exhaustion is kind of interesting because like I mentioned, there's three kinds of, energy that we have is also, I want to say three types of exhaustion. So there's physical exhaustion, mental or psychological exhaustion, and then emotional exhaustion. The problem is that at least for me, when I got to the point where I felt like I was exhausted, I wasn't really sure A lot of times what I needed or why I was exhausted. But what did happen at those times was that I started to lash out in my environment. So that's one of the things that I'm going to say that generally we want to stop, right? I don't want to be the one that's irritable and we used to say snippy snipping at people or being aggravated or frustrated. That puts a lot of strain on the environment and the people around me, right? Think about it at work or at home. If you know somebody who's just like frustrated, you can't really be with them and you feel like you want to help them. But if they're angry too, it's like, it's hard to be around people that are like that. So we want to avoid that. But before we leave that, question is why do we get like that? I'm going to say that when we're so depleted. We're so depleted that we don't feel like we have any energy to even be kind or be nice or be positive. So we start blaming the situation or, getting reactive to the people around us and blaming them and so forth. I have an example of this. So one time I was on a trip, a long trip with a group of people and I Snipped at one person pretty severely at one time because I was exhausted. I was very tired physically, but something else was going on. I had a little resentment against that person that I wasn't being responsible for. There was something that had been going on the whole trip and I wasn't really okay with that person. And then, so when something happened, I lashed out at that person. Think about that for a second. So I wasn't taking care of myself. I wasn't taking responsibility. And then as soon as the opportunity came, BAM! I'm attacking that person. I have to say, I did have to apologize. Obviously I'm going to apologize, but the damage was already done. So I don't want to be like that. So it would be helpful for me to figure out what my needs are so that I don't get into those kind of situations. So a couple of things to think about when you're looking at dealing with exhaustion or facing exhaustion. One thing is be responsible for yourself. Even if your behavior is not perfect, be responsible. I was talking to somebody the other day and saying that sometimes the truth is the only thing we have to hold on to. Because the truth will restore my dignity. If I say, yes, I did that. Yes, I yelled at you. You didn't deserve it. I'm very sorry. I will try my best to not do that again. So when I apologize, I'm taking responsibility. And I'm also saying to the person, I'm not going to do that again. I'm going to try my best never to do that again. That means I'm taking responsibility for my behavior. Now, that may be all well and good, but then how do I get myself to not be like that again? Well, I have to take care of myself. I have to find out what it is that I need, and that might not be as easy as it might sound. Because these habits, exhaustion doesn't happen in one day. Exhaustion happens over a period of time. There's physical activity, there's emotional activity, there's psychological things going on in my mind. And all of them are going on for a long period of time, I'm going to say, before the exhaustion hits. So I have to be kind to myself. So the first thing is be responsible. Second thing is be kind and be patient. Because I may not understand fully what I need right away. Now, I've heard over the years self help and everything. I mean, there's so much information out there. Well, go and take a walk or do this exercise program. Eat this, eat that. Don't eat this. Take these vitamins, whatever. I'm not going to give any advice here. I'm not giving any advice on this podcast. What I'd like to share is principles. And the principle is start paying attention to yourself. And get to know what your needs are and what will make you feel better. What makes me feel better is not what's going to make you feel better. For instance, I'm laughing because how many times do we in our life take advice and we try it and then it doesn't work and then we feel defeated? How many times? I can't even count how many times. I tried the, Oh, maybe, uh, try sleeping this many hours. Try going to bed at this time. Try this vitamin, try that supplement, try this, try that. And I, okay, that sounds great. That sounds good. Let me try. Let me try. Let me try. And it doesn't work. And then I feel like deflated. I'm going to say the principle here, which is a spiritual principle, I would say, is to take the focus off the outside and start bringing it to the inside. Is that going to fix everything all at once? No. And I'm going to tell you why, because how many years have I been doing these behaviors and thinking the way I've been thinking and acting the way I've been acting, it's not going to change overnight, but I'm starting to shift my attention. And again, with this attitude of self care, be kind, be patient. I'm learning. I never paid attention to myself. Never. Always paid attention to everyone else. Always paid attention to how I am showing up or putting on a brave face. I can't be the only one that's like that. Many of you out there are probably like that too. I'm putting on a brave face every day, but inside I don't feel satisfied. I don't feel fulfilled. I feel exhausted. Even though on the outside, I remember one time I said to somebody at work, I said, yeah, you know, I'm feeling insecure. And they say, you feel insecure? I can't believe it. So I guess I did a good job of making myself look like I was confident, but I wasn't being honest with myself. So authenticity with myself. Be responsible, tell the truth, but also be kind, be patient, give myself a chance to find out what it is that I need. Basic things, physical, mental, emotional. Physical is physical, right? The body's needs. Mental psychological would be self esteem and self respect. Do I feel good about myself? Not phony way or not external way, but do I feel good? Do I feel like I like myself or do I feel value? And even if you don't, it doesn't matter because if you start taking care of yourself, you're going to start feeling value because you're taking, you wouldn't take care of something that you don't value, right? Or someone that you don't value. And then finally, emotional. Emotional is really important because when I start paying attention to my emotions, my emotions will tell me when something's not right. And I'll share one other thing about emotional needs. If I never paid attention, for me, I never paid attention to my emotions my whole life. So I was in a constant state of fear, hypervigilance anxiety. I can't be the only one that has that either, right? And as I started paying attention to myself and as I started to get to know myself, little by little, the anxiety started to come down. The fear started to come down. I started to understand myself a little bit, give myself a chance at a level other than what I can do or produce or Make happen on the outside. My feelings, my thoughts, how I feel, how I think about myself, how I feel about myself. And of course the physical body is very, very important, right? If my body's not healthy, it's very difficult to be feeling okay. So be responsible, do the best you can. You may not be aware of what you need right away. So it takes time. How do we get to know, how do I get to know who I am and what I feel and what I need? Meditation. Sitting quietly and telling myself I am a peaceful soul. I am a loving soul. I am a generous soul. My nature is peace. I am living consciousness. I am the soul using this body and my nature is peace. You can say I'm God's child. You can say something like that too, if you like. But that fundamental identification with the feeling, the feeling of peace, the feeling of value, the feeling of goodness, that is the beginning of getting in touch with myself because as soon when I start to build that up inside myself, telling myself that during meditation, then I have something to compare to during the day. It's almost impossible. I'm going to say it is impossible. It's impossible to change something if you're in it and you don't know any different. It's impossible to change something. If you are in it in the middle of it and you don't know anything else right so in meditation I'm telling myself. This is who I actually am. I'm a peaceful soul. I'm a loving soul .As I tell myself that so I get up for meditation. I go throughout my day next thing I know I'm starting a fight with this one. I'm gossiping about this one. I'm angry I'm frustrated up and something inside is like way whoa whoa whoa I just told myself that I'm peaceful and now I'm acting like, okay, well, I got to do something about this. We actually get the strength to face ourselves and change a little bit, little bit, right? Little bit at a time. You can't change everything at once. It didn't happen overnight. It's not going to change overnight. One other thing is good to have a short midterm and long term goal. So for me right now, I can share that my short term goal is to manage my daily routine, like get enough rest, make sure I get up for meditation, have my study time, whatever, like get it, getting that all straightened out so that it's natural. I mean, I'm doing it, but it's not as smooth as it could be. Rest, especially and then this midterm goal would be I'm looking to retire early or work less. I'm looking to work a little bit less or work smarter. I'm actually looking at getting new equipment so that I can work easier, which I've been resisting, but now I'm looking into that. And then the longterm goal is that I want to retire early and spend more time doing this, doing what I call, what we call service. Sharing experiences and spiritual knowledge with everyone. So that's my long term goal. So I have short term, mid term, and long term goal. I think that's a good thing to have. Because then I know that I'm going towards something. Psychologically, that's helpful. I feel good about myself. I feel stable. I'm actually getting something or I'm living into my own aim. It's very powerful, very important to be able to fulfill your own wish. So as I'm working on this. I don't want to work so much. I want to get my routine in order. Because I'm paying attention to it, I'm much less likely to get exhausted from it, a much less likely because I'm actually in the process of fixing it or changing it or transforming it. So that's the secret of this. When I take responsibility, I'm kind, don't have unrealistic expectations. Like it's going to. Get fixed in five minutes and I give myself a chance to learn about myself and I give myself an aim. Short, middle and long term aim. Then I start to feel better because I'm actually doing something about it. The thing about not changing everything at once, my mom who passed away three years ago was a psychiatric nurse. She was PhD and she used to say, Don't quit smoking when you're going through a divorce. So what does that mean? That means don't give up your comforts. I'm not talking about extremes now. I'm not talking about, Oh, my comfort is drinking a bottle of vodka every night. I'm not talking about that. I'm not talking about damaging extreme behaviors or extreme violence, or I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about regular middle ground. Don't give up your comforts. Maybe it's watching a movie or maybe it's this don't give that up while you're trying to make changes That's helping your emotional well being perhaps. So this is again, I'm not giving advice, I'm just giving a principle. Whatever you feel that you're using right now to soothe or to comfort or to help yourself, don't give that up all at once while you're trying to make a change. You can make a change and still keep the other one around with the aim that eventually you'll let it go or it will become in balance it will be in balance with the rest of your life. So the habits take time to change. And the other thing is the magic of taking care of yourself. For me, I didn't feel before, I didn't feel like I had anyone that I could, I don't want to say count on or trust or it was really me that I didn't trust. It was, I wanted me. You know, it's funny we say, Oh, I didn't have this or I didn't have a friend or I didn't have anybody or nobody paid attention to me. Whatever. What I really want is me. And I can say that because after meditation, after practicing for so long and actually learning how to take care of myself, I don't feel those feelings anymore. They're going away. If I'm not constantly frustrated at work anymore, I probably won't get burnt out. Why am I not constantly frustrated at work anymore? Because I'm taking care of myself. This is like the secret of everything, I think. Self care is the secret of everything. But each of us is different. Each of us is unique. And worthy of that kind of care. So, I'm going to leave it there. I hope that that has given you some encouragement. that exhaustion is something that's not going to go away right away. But I feel that if I have an attitude of self care, I look at the three levels, the physical, psychological and emotional. I'm looking at all those three levels. I have an aim that I want to take care of them. I take responsibility for myself. I want to change my behavior and I want to get better and then set aims and don't give up your comforts right away, but little by little you're moving towards healing those things that make you exhausted. And I'm here to say that it works. I'm here to say that it does work. So I'll leave it there. Remember our slogan is heal, empower and serve. And until next time, take care. Um, uh,
