Episode Transcript
We Americans enjoy a wonderful and powerful way of life, but internally and in relationships, we may wish for better. Join me as we look beneath the surface and gain insights to transform every aspect of your life. My name is Dr. Ann O'Hare, and this is The Spiritual American. Hello everyone and welcome to the Spiritual American. My name is Dr. Anne O'Hare and I'm your host. And today, as you see, we have a special guest. This is my husband, Ken, who I have mentioned in the podcast several times. Ken is a Raja Yogi practitioner, meditation practitioner for over 40 years. He's been practicing this meditation and the study, studying. I brought him in today. The topic is grief and hope, and it's a very powerful topic for many, and we're going to share our experiences and some spiritual principles as well. Both of us have our own experiences with grief and with family members passing and things like that and Ken, especially because he was very young when his mom passed. So i'm going to let him share a little bit about that first and then we'll go from there Yeah, I was about 16 You when, she died in childbirth. The thing about it was that, I was there when she was being transported to the hospital because she was giving, she was doing this delivery at home, which is kind of common in that part of the world. And I could, you see everyone was sad and I was feeling that, and I could, I was praying, you know, that it, you know, she should survive it, you know. And the thing is that when she was pronounced on arrival, that she had passed, I was really, I didn't know what to think. It was a shock. But one thing I distinctly remember and that is that she was always there with us. Like, for some reason, I couldn't think of her as gone. And for many, many years after, I felt like she was around helping us, helping the family. And I, being the eldest, I somehow felt that, you know, we, You couldn't do it without help. Everything was overwhelming, in terms of taking care of your siblings, and then, um, seeing your father trying to, trying to manage without her, which was very difficult for him. Anyhow, one thing that I, because of that feeling like she was always there, in my heart, um, I always felt connected and for some reason I never really felt as if Like i'm grieving because I always felt she was present So I don't know where that came from but looking back. I am so grateful That even want to now I still feel somehow And this is after meditation and you're going to understanding consciousness Knowing that consciousness cannot die But I mean at that time I didn't have that awareness but i'm glad that I had that way of connecting with her because I Still have a heart that is filled with love whenever the image of her or the memory of her comes up So I can't say You know like i'm blaming God for taking her or or that because I look at how we all grew up and how life turned out and These are many many years after now. This is like what 60 years or so 50 years No, no 40 something years since and to see how everything turned out so it seems like there was some blessing, you know Looking back at that. So why i'm mentioning that because sometimes we think we have to grieve or sometimes we think it's not You normal to, you know, express hurt and pain. But I'm telling you truly how I felt and I'm grateful that that is there, you know? So one of the principles that Ken's talking about here is that spiritual principle is that the soul doesn't die. The soul doesn't die. You didn't know that really. When this happened, but you felt that she was still there. And I, I had the similar experience. My mother passed about three years ago and we were very close my whole life. But I felt I was working on doing meditation and I had the spiritual knowledge. So I guess that was helping me even when she was still alive, like she had cancer and so forth. So there was a, we knew she was going to go. That's helpful too, by the way, when you know that they're going to go, you have time to prepare, but when I got up at the memorial for mom and all I could feel, I felt two things. I felt gratitude and I felt, grateful for what I had received from her, grateful for her, her example, grateful for her companionship. Everything was there, like, the gratitude was there, and the other thing that was similar to what you shared, Ken, was that I didn't feel like she was gone. It was, and I said that to the family, in front of the family, like, I don't feel like she's gone. So, I think that that's one principle that we can think about, first of all, the soul doesn't die. Second of all, there's some connection that death cannot touch between us. We have memories, we have experiences with others. And one of the thing about grief, what I, the way I think about grief from a spiritual sense or, any, anybody can think of whatever, whatever category you want to call it. But I feel that grief happens because the other person is taking up space in my consciousness. Yeah. So imagine that I have whatever. One acre of space in my consciousness and mom was taking up half of that acre of space, right? Or whatever, whatever amount of space she was taking up. Now, when she leaves, all of a sudden that space is empty. Yeah. And every one of us has an experience like that. You know, I was just thinking that some people have people that die in their lives and then they question. The purpose of life anymore. They question like the deep life questions arise. I think part of the reason that that happens is because the loss that is felt is really in the self. Like you're feeling a loss within the self and you're wondering what, what is the meaning of life? And then of course you were saying like, Blaming God or something like some people might go there like, Oh, why is God letting this happen? Or why did God let them go or there is no God like you hear people do that, right? Say that or why me? Why me? There is no God like all different mechanisms come in But there's a space that that person was occupying And the person goes and the space is there. Of course, you're gonna feel something Yep I mean, there are people out there. I know I've talked to people who they feel grief or they feel sadness when people go. And then the people around them are getting impatient with them and saying, well, why aren't you over this by now? It's been two years or whatever. That's really not fair because you are, you are experiencing it. It's in your consciousness that that place is there, that space is there. Yeah. So. What are we talking about here this what can help us it doesn't mean we're not saying you're not going to have any feelings of course we're going to have feelings we wouldn't be human if we didn't have feelings of course we love the person we're going to have feelings but what can help us is a couple of things one they're not dead yeah that's a huge thing and ken was sharing when he his sister passed and he'll share a little bit about that but at the memorial he was sharing about the Right. And people were coming up to you saying that that helped them, right? Yeah. Right. Yeah. You know, yeah, she passed at age about 54 she was and she was diabetic and she had sepsis, which, which eventually became a system failure, like she had multiple organ failure. She was on event and then when I went back, she was on event, um, so she wasn't able to talk. But, you know, I held her hand and I, I really felt like she Was okay to go. She was okay, like she wanted to go. When she passed, I, there again, I had this feeling that she was okay. And for me, like, it's very difficult to think of someone gone into a bad place, or like, for some reason. Because I, by that time I was studying, spirituality. So, this thing about, never dying. And also, That we do, we don't, we can't carry the people with us, or the house, or the money, or whatever. But we do carry memories of each other. And the things that we learn from each other. The things that we exchange, you know. So as if the relationship can actually be eternal, in a way. Yeah, death doesn't stop that. Doesn't stop that. And even now, in that culture is that for about 12 nights, people, all, a lot of people will come to your home and they will be singing spiritual songs and, and share a lot of knowledge about the soul. And I was really explaining about the soul and how every soul is unique. Their characteristic is formed by their experiences during the life. So our relationship with them and their relationship with us, if there is that feeling of contentment or gratitude or love or, um, a feeling of, it's almost like you're allowing the soul to feel that there was a fulfillment, not suffering. You're not leaving. Suffering behind so that actually Help, I think many people were saying that yes Because if you keep doing that people can keep if you want to pray for that soul But I find sometimes if you have just have a pure feeling and love That at some level we are connected and at some level that reaches them and they're You You know, there's some kind of an interaction that allows for your healing and they're happy transition too. Yeah, cause I was just thinking that I was watching some TV thing recently and they were talking about how people don't get to share how they really feel with people when they're alive. They feel, they share it at the memorial, right? Like you were just sharing, they spent 13 days talking about whatever. But what happens if you were standing in front of the person and you said, you know This is what you mean to me and this is and you've hear people say that tell the person or whatever, right? This is what you mean to me. That feeling of gratitude like the feeling I had of gratitude from my mom Okay, I believe that that feeling you've reached her Yeah, that's because I'm remembering her. It's not I'm not having the feeling You isolated. I'm having the feeling while I'm connected with her in my memory and also understanding the impact that she had on my life and my and me and on me. So, so she continues to live. She's living. I know this sounds weird. This doesn't fill the space. Now this, what we're talking about right now does not fill the space. But what it does is helps us from keeps us from going into despair, into fear, into hopelessness, into blaming. It helps us from falling apart. Like you said, it helps keep us from falling apart. If I can think of the hopeful side of it, they're not really dead. I still remember. I'm grateful for the time. And even if you're still hurting, you can still bring that up. This, it doesn't require you to stop feeling your feelings. You can still think, well, maybe they're still alive, you know, and maybe I wish them well. Then you're turning it around from the hurt that I feel. You're actually turning it into a positive thing, like a good wish for them. Yeah. Because if you are carrying that and there is this void within you, you, you can't stand, how long can you keep on feeling that way? So then people turn to being a victim. Like why God made this happen or it was their fault. They didn't, they shouldn't have left me or something. Right. They get angry at the person who left and yeah, right. And if you look at those, that way of thinking, How it damages or causes hurt or a sinking feeling, or, you can even question life about that. You can even wonder what's the purpose of this whole thing. Yeah. But I've heard somebody said that you can't take anything physical with you, but you can take what you can pack in your heart. Aww. That's nice. You know, could you share a little bit about the book, like, what is it called again? The name of it is called Erasing Death. Erasing Death, yeah. And it was written by, there was a group of cardiologists and neurosurgeons, I think it is. And they were investigating a way to preserve brain damage, preserve the brain after a heart attack. So among the group that they mentioned in the book some one or two drop they had They they're drowning near drowning. Their heart stopped But they were able to revive them because they were cold day because they were cold. Yeah And the others were heart attack and So you're trying to revive them but what they were doing is You Slowly dropping their temperature. And well, what to explain what they, what they found was that like, let's say somebody drowned in the ocean or something, and it was cold, even if they were underwater for a long time, if they get them out, even if they're not breathing when they start to warm up the body, sometimes they were revivable because the coldness slowed down their, metabolism and oxygen consumption so much. There's That they actually were able to save them so they figured use the same principle for a heart attack and they started Physically lowering the temperature of the person who had the heart attack to preserve the heart tissue heart muscle and also brain Brain brain function, right? so when they recovered for those who recovered, they would go back and interview them and you know do their tests and to their amazement There were a few You In that group irrespective of their religious background irrespective of who they Whether they believe in religion or not They were they brought back of Feeling i'm like a vision or a place that they That they were they were in of it was light And they were it was pleasant and Some of them said they even, maybe some loved ones could be a grandmother or something that came and they were our angel or something to that effect. Anyhow, what I'm trying to get at here is you might have heard also of situations where people might be going through a surgery and for some point in time, they felt like they were on the ceiling or looking down. But then they came back in before the surgery is finished or something. Or they might have had a problem, with the heart. But everything came back to, they were able to, revive the person. And because people can, that happens. Your heart stops and they can restart it back and so on. Anyhow what I'm trying to get at is that consciousness never dies. It lives on. And it's not just an empty thing. It's like this. There is something that they can remember from that experience. And that is what baffled the doctors. But they all had like a similar experience. Yeah, very, yeah. Yeah. So, maybe we can consider that in the process of grieving, that it is not the end, it's the journey, and that you can still do something for that person if you love them, or if you're grateful for the person. Part they play in your life. Why not use, like, transform your grief into a connection of love and gratitude and hope and a feeling that at any time they come up in your memory, always send love. Always send some good energy. And it helps you to heal. And you never know, maybe they even feel like they're being loved. And they don't know where the feeling came from, but they feel it. It's very beautiful. I hope that gave you something to think about. If some of you out there are feeling grief right now. My final thought is whatever you're feeling is okay. And that I hope that what we were discussing here about the eternal nature of the soul and the possibility of transforming some of the grief into something positive and something meaningful. I hope that really has touched the heart today. So we'll leave it there. Remember our slogan is heal, empower, and serve. And I want to thank Ken for being with us today, special guest. And until next time, take care. Thank you. Um, uh,
