Episode Transcript
Hello, everyone. Welcome to the spiritual American. My name is Dr. Anne O'Hare and I am your host today. We will be talking about rest. So as usual, I'll be sharing a little bit about rest and then my own experiences. And then we're going to dig under the surface a little bit and see what's going on and then give some spiritual or other kinds of self love practices to help us with that area. Thanks So what about rest? We're talking about rest today. My experience with rest is that sometimes it's difficult. I'm not just talking about sleep. Although I think based on our age and other factors, I think sleep and rest may be different for us at different times in our life. I've mentioned in the past podcast that I'm in my early fifties and so it changes a little bit like ability to fall asleep and things like that may change a little bit. Um, but, What we're talking about here is not just sleep, also rest, relaxing, maybe taking, taking a break or taking care of myself. And I'm going to share a little bit about my upbringing. I was brought up here in the United States and, uh, in the Northeast, and there was a lot of emphasis on getting my education, getting a career, making money, being powerful in the world, things like that. So there was a lot of emphasis on hard work, you know, making something happen, results oriented, thing like that, things like that. There's a lot of action consciousness there. Everything's all about acting and doing and figuring out and things like that. I grew up like that and I built a career that way. And And so resting is not usually on the agenda. So I don't know how many of you, if you think about it, are you able to rest? Do you like to rest? I know some people that they feel they're ready to rest at any moment. Like I know some people who just like will fall asleep at any moment or rest. I was never one of those people. I was always more interested in doing or thinking than resting or being, maybe we've heard in psychology or in other spiritual things, you know, just be. You know, that never worked for me. Oh, just be like, what are you, what are you talking about? Like my way of looking at the world was based on doing, do this, do that. Think this, figure this out, do it. So if everything is always about action. And somebody says, you know, okay, sit there and meditate and just be quiet. Like, what, what are you talking about? What do I have to do? You know? So you can hear by listening to me that it's probably, you know, the way I'm thinking about things is making me think that everything requires action and things like that. But what I want to do is I want to. uncover some of the attitudes that I, that I developed over my lifetime that have had an impact on me in this area. One of the attitudes I've had is about other people who maybe are not as action conscious as me, maybe not as, you know, willing to be so active or let's say if I was really into a project and I was, you know, very excited about it and I had all this energy and then there was somebody else in the group that was like more laid back like, yeah, okay, that sounds good or whatever. I would immediately feel bad when I was around them. Not only feel bad, I would feel angry at them or maybe resent them or maybe try to control them into being more like me and things like that. Other things that I can remember thinking, I've stopped it now because I've been practicing, uh, spirituality for 13 years, for a long time. I mean, it's not, it's not that long, but I would say it's long enough to have a a good amount of success. I don't think this way anymore, but I used to think that people who were relaxing or took breaks and things like that, that they were lazy, that they were useless or stupid or, I mean, really used to make negative thoughts about them in my mind. I'm sharing this for a reason because why did I think, so let's break this down for a minute. Why would I think somebody who doesn't want to get all activated and excited and overloaded and, you know, get, rev their energy up to 10. Why would I automatically call them lazy? And then why would I automatically say that they're stupid or something like that? And you could see that if I used to think, if I think that way, and then I associate being lazy and stupid with resting, then why would I ever want to rest? Because I don't want to be lazy and stupid. Right? Right. Right. So I hope you picking this up because this is like a, this kind of circular thinking. that we can have with judgments and things that we don't take care of ourselves because we've convinced ourselves that that thing is no good for us or I don't want to be that way some reason. So I'm going to say it again in case it was a little bit went by too fast. So what I've done is that I've. I've created this personality that's always active, always doing something. And as I'm doing something, I'm not taking care of myself. Like maybe I'm not thinking about rest as a priority. I'm not thinking about being calm as a priority because it's always about doing and making something happen and achieving something. So when I see someone else who makes rest a priority or who doesn't think that overthinking and over analyzing and over planning is a good thing and they're more laid back. What I have done in the past is made them wrong. They're stupid, they're lazy, they are not going to be successful, and I'm so successful. So what does that sound like? Sounds a little like arrogance, right? So there was some arrogance there for sure. But let's look under the surface of that arrogance. So I wanted to tell the truth about that first. And then let's look under, under the surface. If I, if all I ever knew was to be like that, was to be like action oriented or whatever, it makes sense that I would be loyal to that way. Okay. So maybe I'm not in practice of being relaxed. I'm not in practice of being laid back. I'm not in practice of not planning. I'm sure some of you that are listening to this can relate to this. Like, how can I not plan? Don't you have to plan? Don't you have to figure it out? Don't you have to, you know, use your mind and whatever? I know people that don't, they just like, okay, yeah, let it happen. Whatever happens, happens. I'm like, what? used to really bother me when people were like that. I used to feel really out of control. Now I envy them. But that took something because I started to realize that I really didn't have the ability to rest. I couldn't calm down. I couldn't calm my mind down. I couldn't calm my nervous system down. And even after I got rid of those negative attitudes about others, like the anger and the resentment and accusing and, you know, looking at them in a certain way. After, even after I got rid of that, I still had trouble resting, still had trouble meditating, not meditating. Meditating just means that you're looking at yourself or you're looking at your mind. We'll talk about that in another episode, but having the experience of peace or having the experience of rest, within myself, within my mind and within my body and my nervous system did not come easy. It still doesn't, to be honest with you. And this is after 13 years. It still doesn't come easy. That's not to say that there's anything wrong. It's good to be able to be active and it's good to be able to plan and it's good to be able to speak well or do something or get something accomplished. Those are good. So we're not throwing that away. Okay. But if I can't rest, obviously rest, if we can acknowledge that rest is something that we need, then we're not going to be able to do it. That's positive. And maybe if I'm burning every, every single nerve in my body 24 seven, maybe that's not healthy, right? We get health issues, anxiety, and all kinds of stuff that go on because of that. So we're going to talk about, so I wanted to tell the truth about that. So that's how I. Okay. grew up, that's what I knew, that's what I thought was right, and that's what I was doing. So now I'm saying, well, I need to rest. So now I have to figure out, well, how can I start resting? Well, first I started looking at other people who were more relaxed and started looking at them with envy or looking at them with appreciation now. Like I started to appreciate people who weren't as driven as me. Or I started to actually be honest and apologize in my heart to people who I thought like if they didn't have an education that they were stupid. That doesn't mean they're stupid. Why would I be so arrogant? So I started dropping the arrogance, dropping the resistance, dropping the judgment, and just started dealing with the fact that I really have a hard time resting and calming down. For those of you out there who can relate to this, this could be one of the most difficult things. that you will try to do because there's so much payoff to activity. And the payoff for rest doesn't happen right away. It's cumulative, right? So if I, if I rest one day, let's say I sit for one day, well, we know this with vacations, right? If I go on a vacation for two weeks, but I spend the rest of the year going crazy, the two weeks isn't going to solve the rest of the year. It helps, but it isn't going to solve it. So, this idea of bringing rest into my consciousness as a good thing. So this is what I want to introduce as a solution or as an idea to think about. Don't change anything yet. Just see, look at your own life and say, what are my attitudes toward rest? Have I been doing like Dr. Ann has been doing and like, you know, making everybody else wrong if they weren't like me and you know, have I, have I been doing that or what's, what's my experience? with rest. Do I have difficulty calming down? Does my body feel, do I feel anxious? Do I have trouble going to sleep? Do I feel rested? Do I have active dreams? Do I feel like it's going all the time? And then when I do rest, do I feel better after it? What's my attitude towards it? Am I able to let things go? In the last podcast, uh, we were talking about that when you start taking care of yourself, you start being able to discern out. things that are good for me and things that are not good for me in a way that maybe I wasn't able to do before. So in this case, if I'm always thinking of things in terms of activity, or always thinking of things in terms of results, or always thinking in things in terms of overthinking and planning, and then the suggestion is to rest. I'm not going to have any relationship to that thing. But if we keep practicing, we'll start to be able to discern a little bit. Like one day I'll realize, well, wait a minute, I've been working since seven o'clock this morning and now it's 9 p. m. This isn't really healthy. And maybe I'll be able to look at it without judgment because there's no judgment in spirituality. There's no judgment of the self and there's no judgment of others. So like I was saying before, I had to let go of that arrogance, right? A judging of others. And now I have to not judge myself. So I'll be able to discern, okay, well, I'm not taking care of myself. So what I want to suggest that you all do if you want to take this on is don't change anything yet. Just take a look at how you feel about resting. Do you think it's a waste of time? Do you not even know what it is? I mean, when I say rest, is it only sleep that you're thinking of? I know that in the, in the old days, you know, people, still people do it. I say old days, cause I don't do it, but I know people will just like sit on the porch or whatever and just sit there, you know, looking out at the tree or whatever, and just being there. It's not easy for me to do that. That's not a natural thing for me to do. I would much rather be getting something accomplished or doing a project than sitting still. But sitting still doesn't mean you have to, if you're trying to learn how to rest or learn how to change in this area, it doesn't mean you have to force yourself to do that. Just ask yourself, what do I think about that? Do I think that's a good idea? Do I think it's positive? What are the positive aspects of this? The people who I used to think is lazy, I now see them as the smart one. I was talking to somebody the other day and I was saying how. You know, I, I was sharing this that everything's always about getting something done and getting something accomplished or whatever, and using the mind so, so much. And the person said to me, wow, I'm too lazy for that. I wouldn't, I wouldn't spend that much energy doing that. I just, you know, take it as it comes. And I'm like, for the first time, I didn't judge that person. This was recently. I didn't, I, there was no judgment of that person when she said that. I actually felt. Like I, like I appreciated that, like I wished I could be more like that. I, I, envy is not the right word because it wasn't negative, but it was positive. Like I appreciated that quality. That I saw it as a good thing. This is what I'm getting at. That we want to learn to see rest as something good, something positive, and then figure out a way to do it yourself that works for you. You know, somebody might say, Oh, getting, getting more sleep might work for them. Or somebody might say, turn off all your screens and sit quietly. Maybe you don't want to do that, but you maybe you could edge towards something more restful. Like for instance, I used to watch. I used to do Facebook and I stopped Facebook completely because I could sit there with that scrolling and three hours would go by and I would completely be gone in that scrolling It's a very powerful attention trap there. So I stopped that completely. And I'm so, and I'm, I can't even look at it now. If I have to look, go in there for something, uh, some occasional, I have to go in there for this kind of service from classes or something. And I go in there and like, as soon as I'm done with that, I'm out because I can't, if I start scrolling, I know it's going to feel really bad. So that was one thing I did in the nature, in the, in the direction of rest, right? So don't make it mean anything in particular. Just look at where you are with it now. And that's what I want to leave you with for the homework for now until next time. Look at where you are now. How do I feel about rest? Do I resent it? Do I think it's a waste of time? Do I think that people who rest are lazy and stupid? How do I feel about it? Let's be honest about it. And then I can, then I can watch. Don't change anything yet. Just watch, watch myself. How do I feel during the day? Do I feel good being always active constantly? Does it feel good to have my mind constantly running? It feels good to get something planned, I guess. I mean, I, it's not a bad thing, but maybe we, maybe it's out of balance. Maybe, maybe I'm too far one way. So when it comes to rest, the main thing that we're talking about here is look at how you feel about it. Take a look at your own self. How am I throughout the day in terms of activity? How do I feel? Do I feel good? Do I feel exhausted? Do I feel resentful? Do I feel angry? Do I feel overwhelmed? So these are the things we're going to talk about more things on this podcast about self care and how to face some of these feelings and experiences in such a way that allows myself to become empowered. So in terms of rest, take a look at yourself and don't make a large demand on yourself. Make a tiny little suggestion to yourself, if you like, based on what you see. If I see that I'm very intolerant of others, Who are not as active as I am. Maybe I can stop that. If I see that I'm running, you know, 18 hours a day, maybe I can look at that and see, is that healthy for me? And see if I can shift it ever so slightly, small change, tiny, tiny, tiny little shift after you see, after you discern, don't try to change before you discern. Always try to learn something first. then see what you see, bring it into your life and observe and see what you see and then see if you can make a small change. Small change after you discern something, a small change for yourself is very powerful. It builds up self confidence and it's more likely to last. that kind of change is more likely to last because you're taking care of yourself. So I'll leave it there. Um, maybe some of you were looking for, you know, get this much sleep and do this and do that. But all of, all of you are perfectly capable of figuring out what you need. And we have enough science to tell us how much sleep people need and so forth. And we know that the day, how the day runs and sure you'd be able to figure out a way to free yourself of any negativity around rest. Make it a positive and bring it into your life in such a way that it supports you and Helps you to take care of yourself. So that's the podcast for today. That's the episode for today And again, remember our the slogan for this podcast is heal empower and serve. Have a great day everyone Thank you. Bye. Bye
